Setting: Pastor Brad’s office.  Brad, his wife and Vergen are the only people in his office.  The mood is tense and the conversation begins with small talk.  Brad’s wife never says a word yet will never forget the feelings she felt these few minutes in January.  After the small talk the conversation finally got to the ‘heart of the matter’. —-

Pastor Brad: (to Vergen)  So, what are you saying?

Vergen: I’m saying that I just didn’t give a !%#.   Yeah, Brad.  That’s it.  I just don’t give a !%#

(Off in the corner, P. Brad’s wife is thinking to herself. )  “I thought you did — ‘give a !%#‘.  I thought you cared.  Maybe I was wrong.  I hate being wrong–especially wrong about people.  Wrong again.”

_________________________________________

There is so much more to say, almost a lifetime, almost a book.  (Maybe I’ll start that book one evening when I’m not SO tired.)  This post however, is NOT a book (yay).  It IS one of the lesson(s) I have learned along the way.

*drum roll please*

End-Of-The-Year Lesson(S)

1. ‘Wrong’ is not a dirty word.  An open and willing spirit can learn from ‘Wrong’.  I don’t think that I will ever be a buddy of  ‘Wrong’.  However, I do pray that this year I won’t want to punch ‘Wrong’ right in gut every time he comes to visit me anymore.  Maybe I could just say: ‘Oh, hello Wrong…  It’s you again?  Okay.  Let me fix that.  Until we meet again.”

i have an end-of-the-year-lesson.

i just don’t know how to get it out of my head and onto this stupid blog post.

i understand it so clearly.

(well, at least i think i do (but apparently no-so-clearly-that-i-can-write-it-down!!)

i hate it when this happens to me.

it makes me write in short sentences.

and not use capital letters.

and i do not use good punctuation.

and i use the word ‘and’ way too much.

and i want to say ‘AUGH’ a whole lot!!

tomorrow i will try very hard to put my end-of-the-year-lesson into a system of thinking because it is a great lesson and i really need to share it.

(hey, was that a whole sentence? — i think it was.)

so, please gimme another chance.  pretty please…with sugar on top. 

My house was born

small

hidden

and

strange.

Quite unlikely.

My house is White.

Inside my house?

Well, sometimes she’s “not quite right”,

but she’s White.

At times she’s dirty.

I want her clean.

My house IS white.

(pause)

I need

hot.

I need

cold.

(pause)

I was given White!

I

hold onto Black?

(pause)

My house is small.

My

house

IS

White.

~the beginning~

]]> http://sheramblings.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/my-house-a-poem/feed/ 3 SheRamblings http://sheramblings.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/the-path-of-a-flower/ http://sheramblings.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/the-path-of-a-flower/#comments Mon, 30 Nov 2009 04:39:31 +0000 SheRamblings http://sheramblings.wordpress.com/?p=1440 ]]>

i’ve written (and deleted) an entire (and quite lengthy) post.

i wish that i could just take out my heart and somehow show it to you.

then, sigh in relief and say:  “okay, now you understand…right?”

but, i can’t.

however, i’ve been living this song, these words, this passion, these feelings………

this path…MY PATH, since i was 14 years old.

…the path of…a flower.

The Rose: by (Bette Midler)

some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed

some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed

some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need

i say love, it is a flower and you its only seed

it’s the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance

it’s the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance

it’s the one, who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give

and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live

when the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long

and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong

just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow

lies the seed that with the Son’s love

in the spring

becomes

The Rose

“One original thought is worth a thousand mindless quotings”

(Diogenes of Sinope)

Ha!

So, in keeping with the Greek Philosophers philosophy

anybody got anything original? ✿

par●a●ble:

a simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson

matthew 13:34

Jesus spoke all these things to the crowd in parables;

he did not say anything to them without using a parable.

Jesus.  He died being misunderstood
 

i have recently realized that i’m surrounded by little girls, teenage girls, young women, and even women my own age who are trapped inside a nightmare.

life is comparison, after competition, after failure, after victory, after comparison, after competition, after failure,  after victory!!!!  the trophy–  just a finer piece of glass.

but, hey…

…the Piece of Glass Rules!

okay, i’ll talk about my personal struggle with the piece of glass, (even though i don’t want to).

i don’t know how to do this, exactly, so i’ll just ramble.  *almost every piece of food that goes into my mouth is considered and i believe that to be unhealthy.  *there isn’t any ONE thing that i consider more consistently than ‘food’.  *i remember my mother once telling me: ‘i wish i could be anorexic for a month’.  *i have had thought that more than once myself. *i have had issues with sexual fulfillment due to my physical appearance ONLY, (oh boy…can’t believe i just said that).  *it used to be that when a pretty(ier) woman walked past me i wanted her to croak (or at least fall down).  *i would say that during my adult life i have probably lost and gained the weight of a whole person. *i have taken prescription diet pills, (oh crap) more than once. *i am tempted to delete this post RIGHT NOW because if i go on, no telling what’s gonna come out of my mouth. *i remember being a young girl and looking at the women in my family and hoping to God i wouldn’t grow up to look like them, (oh my). *i…i…i

…am not that person anymore.

i look at the image reflected by the piece of glass differently.  i try to look at her through the invisible mans eyes.  you see…

God’s word says in Psalms 139

Verse 1 says… “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me” ~ Verse 14 says…“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

God fashioned us, crafted us…gazes at us…and He likes us ♡ so, shouldn’t we like us too?  i believe that when WE have a problem liking us, we probably have a problem with God gazing at us.  when we resolve the problem with God — the problem with ones self will naturally follow.

don’t misunderstand me.  *i still struggle with the piece of glass and i still consider food, however not as powerfully as before.  *i don’t want pretty women to croak, (although i would probably laugh if anybody fell down in front of me) — i’m just that way, i know it’s sick.  *i love the women in my family.

this is a powerful song — don’t be fooled by the piece of glass.

you are God’s masterpiece…..a priceless work of art………..

…it all started because of a key.

Last week I wasn’t looking for a skeleton key, or the key to a hidden treasure chest, or even an old roller skate key — I started walking down memory lane because I was looking for a drum key.

Gary: Jayme do you have a drum key?

Me: Yeah,  I have one in my desk.

Gary: Okay, I’m on my way to put on the new drum heads.

Me: Okay, I’ll be there in a minute and I’ll get it for you.

It was raining outside when I walked in the side door of the church and headed toward my office —thinking about ‘this and that’ — ’singing the new Hillsong tune in my head’ — ‘wishing that I had a hamburger’ — and I had just remembered what I had left at home when ALL OF A SUDDEN I REALIZED THAT I WAS WALKING TOWARD MY OLD purple OFFICE — which wasn’t where it used to be.  Then it came to me that the ‘drum key‘ I needed to get for Gary was in my old desk which was currently at the dump and probably a pile of rubble by now.

Hey, wait a minute!  What happened to my place?  Where is the room that held my memories?  I mean………..wait!

I didn’t get to say good-bye.

I know that probably sounds stupid.  But…I talked to so many of ‘you’ in my office, sitting on the floor.  You told me your ’secrets’ in there.  We cried in there…together.  We prayed inside those purple walls.  I hid your secrets in my office, (I hid my secrets in there too).

Some of  ‘us’ spoke of difficult things inside my office and when we were done we still loved each other.  However, some of  ‘us’ didn’t.  Some of  ‘us’ argued inside that purple office…never to be the same again.

I could go and on…thirteen years of goings on.

—And it all started because of a drum key, “it” being Sunday’s worship rambling and seeming a bit undone.

However, yesterday…when I heard you sing…

…your voices were as a balm to my soul.

…your voices reminded me that some things never change…no matter where my office is.

PS…I bought another drum key…and I know where it is…

…It’s in Gary’s pocket. 

i have fallen head over heels in ❤ with this band!

they are so raw…their lyrics are poetry AND they ooze with passion!!!!!

totally ❤ them!!

The Avett Brothers

Wow…it feels like i’ve been gone from my ramblings for a WAYYYY long time.

So — if anybody out there still gives a rip what I’m up to or where in the world I’ve been — I’d like to ’splain myself.

I haven’t been anywhere ‘in the world‘ — like traveling the world or anything exotic or extraordinary.  Neh, a little more mundane happenings than that but still they’ve been rather significant for me.

Our church of 13 years decided to build — yippe right?  Well, it was for us.  We completed a renovation project that was quite overwhelming for our body.  The ‘WoW-eEe-factor’ was that we polished off the project do-it-yourself style. ✿  PLUS — let’s put the 100% Volunteer Labor cherry on top!  Oh my…we had spilt paint (i did that), we cut and then re-cut boards and several times I remember looking around and seeing wheels turning inside heads so fast that I thought I was gonna get dizzy.  (mainly because I’m s l o w—)!  But it was GREAT!

It is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.  Not because of the material inside — no — there are much prettier worship theaters.  It is beautiful to me because — me and my friends built it together.  We laughed together and we smelt bad together and we looked like C.R.A.P. together and we cried together and built this place for our best friend Jesus…together!  (not for ourselves)

Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous…

Psalm 118:15

So, that started off my journey that began back in July.  If I may indulge myself (i mean I have been quiet for a couple months) I’d like to continue with my travels.

We finished the building!  And just in time too!   My little brother got married late September.   He’s been divorced for 10 years and met a beautiful girl who made his blue eyes shimmer.  Plus each time I talked to him on the phone he sounded like a goof-ball so it had to be L.O.V.E!  So off to Texas we went.

I have so much to say…and sometimes thoughts rush to my brain all at once and and I feel like there’s a traffic jam up there –(where’s the stupid traffic cop when I need him?! )  Ugh!!!  Let me just boil it down…because I just looked at the clock and — yikes!! 

I had a very meaningful time with my parents.  Eye-Opening kind of time.  I am grateful.  I came home to my house looking great because my wonderful husband and kids had worked their little bums off on some of the remodeling we had put off on it to work on the church project.  It looks super!

However…my face…!  My face currently does NOT look super!  Apparently the toll of the past months is finally showing up all over my face!

Can you say ZiTs?  Adult Acne?  OOOO— I have NEVER in my whole life had a problem with this! And now at 42 I’m going to break out?  What the Heck?!?!  So — the other day I walked around Atlanta with a bandAid on my chin.  I think I sported the bandAid pretty well, actually.

I must really look like C.R.A.P — Cooper told me that the bump on my chin was the size of a planet. Did I say how mUcH I lOvEd my Kids?

So, let’s just say…I’m recovering from the events of the past months.

I’m not dead — (YET)!